Nova Scotia Bureau of Absurd Nova Scotia

GOVERNMENT OF NOVA SCOTIA

Department of Health and Eventually Wellness

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
November 29, 2025
Halifax, Nova Scotia

Government Reaffirms Commitment to Universal Mental Health Care; Launch Date Still Tied Up in “Ongoing Thought Process”

The Department of Health and Eventually Wellness, led by Deputy Minister Dr. Prudence Overthinkerson, today reaffirmed its commitment to universal mental-health care—a program announced in 2021 and currently entering what staff refer to as “Phase 7: More Thinking.”

Spokesperson Clive Paperstack, Senior Executive Director of Planning, Replanning, and Re-Replanning, confirmed the initiative is “in active development,” a phrase he noted “should not be interpreted as movement, progress, or looming completion.”

Progress to Date

Since 2021, the Department reports progress under the strategic oversight of Assistant Commissioner Linda Loopington, including:

• 12 advisory reviews, chaired by consultant Dr. Myrtle Redundancy-Hooper, each recommending “another, deeper advisory review”;
• Formation of multiple interdepartmental working groups led by Gordon Committee-Formation, who has “successfully formed numerous committees”;
• Drafting of five strategies by Senior Strategist Penelope Draftmore, all marked requiring “additional strategic strategizing”;
• Publication of a roadmap authored by policy analyst Basil Visionboard, detailing “aspirational, non-committal service hopes”;
• And zero operational universal mental-health services.

Officials insisted this foundational work is “critical for momentum-based culture-building activities essential for future implementation readiness.”

Health Workforce Update

The Department acknowledged the upcoming graduation of Dalhousie University’s first cohort of Physician Assistants, trained under Program Director Dr. Susan Skillset-Adjacent.

“The addition of Physician Assistants is encouraging,” said the Minister. “While not meaningfully connected to our universal mental-health project, they will surely contribute to the system by existing within it.”

Statement from the Minister

Minister of Health and Eventually Wellness The Honourable Beatrice Delayworth remarked:

“We remain unwaveringly committed to delivering comprehensive mental-health care to all Nova Scotians. We know the need is urgent—so we are proceeding with extreme caution, ensuring every stage of planning undergoes appropriate levels of hesitation.”

When pressed for a timeline, Delayworth clarified that dates remain “under review pending further analysis by Professor Harold Timeline-Skeptic and his Scheduling Uncertainty Unit.”

Next Steps

Administrative lead Brenda Slowmarch, Director of Future Action Consideration, confirmed the Department will:

• Continue internal evaluations and interdepartmental coordination, supervised by Workflow Navigator Timothy Gridlocke;
• Review all program components for fiscal prudence, political insulation, and low-expectation management;
• Prepare an updated mid-2026 report, drafted by Charlene Later-On, Senior Manager of Deferred Deliverables;
• Maintain public communication with assistance from Media Relations Officer Dale “Still Waiting” Foghorn, ensuring Nova Scotians are informed “as progress hypothetically evolves.”

Further announcements will be released once additional information is available, approved, polished, and delayed appropriately.