Nova Scotia Bureau of Absurd Nova Scotia

From: Nova Scotia Department of Perpetual Liberalism

To: All Political Activists Currently in Power (Regardless of Jersey)

Subject: Ensuring Nova Scotia is Always Governed by Liberals

2025-09-09

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Executive Summary:
No matter how Nova Scotians vote, they will always get a Liberal government. Whether it’s the Liberal Party proper, or Liberals who put on a blue tie and called themselves “Progressive Conservatives,” the result is the same: permanent Liberal rule.

Strategic Pillars of Perpetual Liberalism:

1. Party Swapping Program: Liberals who lose under the red banner are immediately transferred into the PC Party for recycling. (Think bottle deposit system, but for politicians.)
2. Blue Paint Department: Liberal policies are dipped in a coat of PC-blue paint before rollout. Bike lanes look much more “fiscally conservative” when you announce them in a hard hat.
3. Budget Optical Illusion Unit: Numbers are shuffled until deficits look like surpluses. We call this “governing responsibly.”
4. Rural Distraction Division: Promise to fix roads, then hold press conferences about windmills, diversity consultants, and carbon neutrality.
5. Permanent Activist Employment: Every “task force” and “committee” guarantees endless job security for professional activists — voters are just along for the ride.

Official Talking Points:

• “We’re not Liberals. We’re Progressive Conservatives with progressive Liberal values and progressive NDP priorities.”
• “Every Nova Scotian deserves bike lanes, even if they live 40 km down a gravel road.”
• “The balanced budget is balanced emotionally, if not mathematically.”

Closing Note:
The people of Nova Scotia should rest easy knowing that, no matter which party they elect, they will always be governed by Liberals. After all, traditions matter.

End of Memo