Nova Scotia Bureau of Absurd Nova Scotia

News Release
Date: March 28, 2025

Province Restricts Nova Scotia Guard to Prevent “Unregulated Goodwill”

Halifax, Nova Scotia — The Province of Nova Scotia has announced new restrictions on the Nova Scotia Guard, a volunteer emergency response force, to address concerns about “unregulated goodwill” during crises.

Officials from the Department of Emergency Order and Volunteer Containment explained that spontaneous offers of help from citizens have created duplication of services, accounting confusion, and a dangerous surge of community spirit.

“Compassion is important, but only when properly licensed and logged,” said a departmental spokesperson. “Unmonitored goodwill undermines efficiency, reduces billable hours, and destabilizes official response chains. If Nova Scotians really want to help, they must do so through the proper paperwork.”

Prohibited Activities

Effective immediately, the following activities are banned unless pre-approved by the Department:

• Volunteering during emergencies without a government-issued permit.
• Assisting neighbours before logging the interaction in the Provincial Help Registry.
• Donating sandwiches, blankets, or bottled water unless purchased through approved suppliers.
• Using phrases like “We’re all in this together” without paying the licensing fee.

Enforcement

Violations of the Volunteer Containment Order will result in fines of $311 per unauthorized good deed, referencing Nova Scotia’s 311 citizen service line.

Repeat offenders may be subject to:

• Mandatory training in Controlled Compassion,
• A fine surcharge for “excessive kindness,” and
• Placement on the Unsupervised Samaritan Watch List.

Funds collected will be used to expand filing systems, purchase standardized “Approved Kindness Kits,” and train inspectors to monitor acts of neighbourly behaviour.

Reminder to the Public

Nova Scotians are reminded that while community spirit is admirable, unregulated goodwill disrupts chain-of-command and can create chaos in official records.

“By channeling kindness through formal structures, Nova Scotia is protecting its families, its budgets, and its ability to measure compassion in quarterly reports,” said the spokesperson.

Media Contact
Mr. Phil N. Thropy, Director of Volunteer Containment
Department of Emergency Order and Volunteer Containment
Government of Nova Scotia
Email: nogooddeeds@novascotia.ca